For the first time ever, Bob is opening the books. The books are a spiral notebook. Page one says "buy more gaff tape." This is your once-in-a-lifetime chance to own a piece of the Big Sound.
Mostly they say "up." Our analysts (Bob, squinting) confirm the trend is either exponential or the graph is taped to the wall crooked.
Methodology: Bob drew this with a ruler, then removed the ruler.
Every tier includes the same return: nothing. But the higher tiers include nicer nothing.
Your name written on a strip of gaff tape and stuck somewhere in the warehouse. We will not tell you where. It is load-bearing now.
We name a battery drawer after you. Fresh batteries only. Visiting hours are load-in and load-out.
A percentage of all future cowbell revenue. Current cowbell revenue: $0. But have you heard our cowbells? Get in early.
A literal seat. Bob builds you a chair. It is a very good chair. You may bring it to one (1) board meeting, which is lunch.
Guaranteed return: your event sounds great and everybody thinks you planned it that way.
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